ok, so i wanted to keep quiet about this, but since i have been twittering bits and pieces of it, i might as well spill the juicy gossip.
Basically, it was my birthday yesterday, and well, my REAL age is now 26 ( i think i list myself on some things as being 24 hehe, im not the only one that does that tho, dont judge! haha) now, turning 26 scares the SHIT out of me, you dont even understand. ever since i was a kid i put these weird pressures on myself, that by a certain age i had to have certain things. a husband, a house, kids. stuff i dont even want right now anyways, but still, for some reason it all started coming back to me, and i freaked out that i was fucking up my life by not doing those things. anyways. its all very strange. and by NO means does it mean i actually want a house, kids, and a hubby. lol. the 6 year old in me thought that was important tho, which is kind of cute.
But it DID get me thinking about what i really want to do with life, and dont get me wrong i LOVE porn, its so much fun, and ive meet so many amazing people. but its not profitable. i need to be realistic too, i mean, if porn wont pay the bills, whats the use?! lol i need a fall back life. another plan, plan B, which i can fall onto when porn starts costing me TOO much money to participate in… and thats where im confused….
My passion is travel. I love to travel to the dirty grimy countries and really get stuck in, cold water showers, no electricity, eating street food, drinking beer with other dirty backpackers, hell, even sharing a room with 10 other people and one broken toilet excites me. im THAT kind of traveler. i REALLY want to get back to the backpacker trail. but again, no one can sustain that lifestyle for long either. even that $2 a night bed in the grimy backstreets of Kathmandu still has to come from somewhere. so i get a little more confused….
Now, in australia i was dancing and making good money. im not going to say how much, only my accountant needs to know that 
but it was good. better than porn. but, i worked my butt off too!! i was working 5-7 nights a week most weeks, so i was putting in the hours to get that money, where as with porn, i can work less hours to make it, but i only get a scene or 2 a week.. well… i dont really wanna sit on my ass. i dont like not making money, i like working hard to play hard! but again, stripping doesnt last forever…
so do i go to uni? but, that means, moving back to Aus, and probably just dancing part time, and just doing porn in Uni holidays. UGH! that doesnt sound so fun does it?! and it means no backpacking… 
worst quarter life crisis ever!! basically, its so confusing to me, i spent every night for the past 3 weeks drinking a bottle, sometimes two of wine a night, waking up with a hangover, and having over the counter pain killers the next morning to get rid of the headache. this eventuated in the mother of all stomach ulcers the morning of my birthday! lol omen? probably… or i should just stop drinking and thinking too much, and just roll with it.
i fucking love porn, dont worry, i dont intend to quit just yet!!!!
oh, and my birthday sucked, laying in bed all day, but it totally cheered my up seeing so many birthday messages on my Facebook and twitter from all of you guys, your amazing!!!! thank you!! xxxxx
